I am so sorry I stayed away for so long. I love writing so much but these days I’ve been experiencing so many different emotions that I struggle to find the words to put on paper. I promise to do better this year by all means.
Today I want to chat about learning to be my own best friend and everything it cost me to learn this valuable lesson.
At this moment I’ve lived away from home more than two years. Along my journey I’ve met new people, experienced new cities, assimilated myself into new cultures, and fell in love with my passion and purpose but most importantly I fell in love with myself.
Contrary to popular belief, I went through some really dark moments within the last year where I really didn’t love myself and I couldn’t understand why anyone else would. I actually love being alone but I don’t like feeling alone and that was the hardest pill for me to swallow, and to be brutally honest….it still is.
Most would assume I probably had the best year in 2017 of my life (partially true). I was published on multiple outlets, spoke at 3 conferences, made more money than I’d ever made in my life, but yet and still found myself extremely unhappy and searching for contentment in all the wrong things. The thoughts of unhappiness haunted me DAILY. Career wise, 2017 was the best year of my life but personally I was emotionally drowning and not only did it hurt me but it hurt the ones that loved me as well.
I learned that we often look to people to give us the feelings that we really should be seeking to give ourselves. We surround ourselves with people who may or may not be the best friends we really need out of fear of what it might feel like to be without them. We simply accept the love we think we deserve.
Nobody can fix you if you’re broken and no amount of outside achievements can fix inside hurts.
By the end of 2017 I decided to take control of my own happiness, I decided that if I’m going to give myself the best life possible then I’m going to have to learn to be my own best friend, and my own confidant I decided that it was time to become an active participant in my own life which might sound like common sense but I know so many people who let things happen to them daily and blame everyone for their unhappiness except themselves, it was time for me to be much more accountable for how I allowed people to make me feel about myself.
Now, I’m not ashamed to show up to a restaurant and ask for a table for just 1 as I drink my weight in margaritas then shamelessly uber home. I’m not afraid to go to events by myself and talk to new people which is how I met one of my closest friends in Minnesota…I showed up at a social justice event for law students knowing good and damn well I didn’t know anything about law school but my now friend Brianna (same name, weird I know) welcomed me with open arms, and we just clicked and have been friends ever since.
I firmly believe that we can not possibly get to know who we are if we are constantly surrounded by other people 24/7…somehow our identity gets lost in the mix and our happiness becomes dependent on them. In order to grow and be the friend you always needed you have to first get to know yourself. What do you love? What triggers you? What do you like to do? Who do you want to be? These are all important questions that even as a 24 year old woman I ask myself daily. It’s important that I know myself so that when I do meet other people there is no confusion as to who I am.
So in order to really get to know yourself, I challenge you to do these 3 things:
Be ALONE: If you’ve never been on your own before and without friends and family around I suggest you go somewhere new You really don't know who you are if you spend your time surrounded by people….it’s the easiest way to lose your identity.
Schedule reoccurring “ME” time: I have ME time 24/7 *lol* (I’m usually always by myself) but I encourage you to really set aside some time to be alone and enjoy the company of yourself. This could mean going to dinner alone, brunch, getting a mani + pedi…whatever you have to do to really be by yourself and enjoy your own company.
Don’t be afraid: I feared being alone for so long and what that might mean for me but it really has done me more good than it has harm. I truly enjoy my own company more than anything else and I encourage you not to be afraid to do the same.
Okay guys, that’s all for now. I love you and remember to be fearless and brave. Im always rooting for you all.. -B.